Bullies... and Balls....

A really hot topic in the news right now is bullying. It seems that everyone everywhere is against it and countless celebrities are speaking out against it. An amazing video of a news anchor went viral after she stood up against a hurtful email written by a viewer who criticized her body size.(watch the video here, I highly suggest you do! http://www.upworthy.com/bully-calls-news-anchor-fat-news-anchor-destroys-him-on-live-tv ) Some people feel that bullying is a part of growing up and we are turning our kids into softies if we try to keep them from ever being bullied. I for one believe that you can grow into a perfectly fine, motivated, driven person without ever having been bullied, but that's another post...

What I think is more of a concern is why do kids bully in the first place? If you could (hypothetically) put a bunch of small children (think 2 years old) alone on a deserted island (assuming they could take care of themselves)... would they, without any influence from anyone, begin to bully each other as they grew up? If they all had the exact same life experiences, no one who bullied because they had a "difficult home life" or who were "insecure".... would they naturally begin to bully each other? It is an interesting thought. Though I know we are naturally inclined to have a certain amount of competitiveness, I for one believe that bullying is taught. I don't believe that kids naturally want to treat each other cruelly. If the behavior was not modeled for them, then they wouldn't learn how to do it. (I also believe that the same "learning through modeling" theory is true for girls learning to dislike their physical appearance, but that again is another post and probably a dissertation) I digress....

A few things have been in the news lately that have really caught my attention. Both Lady Ga Ga and Christina Aguilera have been dragged through the muck because of their weight gain. Keep in mind that neither of these ladies could possibly qualify as overweight by a doctor's standards, nor has their weight gain affected their singing ability. But apparently you need to be a size 0 to sing well... be sure to tell that to Aretha Franklin. What really impressed me was that Lady Ga Ga decided to not only stand up for herself and speak out on her experiences with disordered eating, but she posted photos of herself in her underwear as a way to encourage others to "embrace their flaws." The woman freakin' posed in her underwear after being criticized for gaining weight... whatever your feelings on Ga Ga, one thing can be certain... she's got balls.
(see photos here http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/09/26/ralph-lauren-plus-size-model-robyn-lawley-i-m-proud-of-my-body.html )

What makes me somewhat sad is that I for one think that Ga Ga looks beautiful in these photos, not overweight at all! She may not be a size 0, but I think her body looks rockin! So there in lies the problem, if this woman, looking like this, is being criticized for how she looks, what chance do I have? Every time I hear someone criticize a celebrity or even a regular person for how they look, a small part of me panics. Mentally I look at the body being criticized and immediately compare it to my own. The inner dialogue kicks in: "am I smaller or bigger than her? Do I have more cellulite than her? Oh no, I have lots of cellulite and she doesn't have any! I better never let anyone see me naked. Oh god you think she has big thighs!? I can't even imagine what you say about my thighs when I'm not around... I really should start running... " etc.....

And this really is the problem. Little girls grow up hearing the women in their lives talk about how much they hate their own bodies. Little girls hear women nit pick about their cellulite and their baby weight, then they go on to hear about how some celebrity gained 70lbs during pregnancy and can't get it off. Teenagers watch a show with their mom and hear their mother make comments about how a certain actress can't get away with wearing a certain style of dress because they have gotten too "hippy"... then they go grocery shopping and watch mom or grandma buy the magazines with headlines like "Hollywood's 10 worst bikini bodies".....

Bullying really is taught. Especially for us girls. We are taught how to bully ourselves and how to bully others. It becomes so easy that it is like second nature for us to judge others and hate our own appearance. And so, in an attempt to be as ballsy as Ga Ga.....

 Yup, here I am in a bikini. My daughter is turning a year old on Sunday and you know what? Even two years ago I never would have had the guts to do something like this. But something about becoming a mommy has made me a little more feisty than before...

So here it is, my body, in all its imperfectness. Thighs too big to be considered TV worthy. Cellulite from butt cheek to ankles, and even some creeping up on the backs of my arms. Stretch marks from my teenage growth spurt, and little scars on my stomach from a gallbladder surgery. A little hint of a tummy where a 6 pack once was. Pale legs and torso from lack of sun and tanning beds... Boobs too small to be considered for the cover of Maxim... etc... etc.. etc... I could go on, and I'm sure many other people could as well.

But here's the thing... none of that really matters. No, really! As much as I panic every time I hear someone criticizing someone else's body, as much as I panic and wonder what they must then think of MY body... my physical
faults really don't matter.

Here is what does...

My thighs may be "too big" and covered in cellulite, but I have a brother who has been wheelchair bound since birth and I'm sure he would gladly trade legs with me any day. My arms may have cellulite on them, but they pick up a smiling baby from her crib every morning and hug her father often.

That little bit of a tummy and lack of 6 pack is the place where that baby grew for nearly 10 months before coming into this world and forever changing my life.

My skin is pale in places because I don't have time to lounge out in the sun anymore, I'm busy keeping a home and raising a human. And tanning beds? Well, skin cancer doesn't seem so fun anymore...

And those boobs have been able to feed a beautiful, healthy baby for the last year. They may not be impressive to a lot of people, but my baby thinks they are the greatest things ever!

So there it is. Keep in mind that every BODY has a story. Every BODY has been through things, good and bad. When you reduce people to their mere physical appearance, or pick apart how they look, you are ignoring the STORY that is their life. Yes, even celebrities are real people who have gone through life and had experiences. Since you don't know every single detail of a stranger's, friend's or celebrity's life... maybe you should think twice before commenting on their body. You have no way of knowing what that BODY has been through.

So there it is, my rant for the day. My husband is reminding me that this is ironic since I made a comment on facebook today about "Whores" at Halloween and their lack of clothing. So I guess here I am, just in time for Halloween, with my complete lack of clothing.

Though I never criticize their body size, only their lack of clothing, I may need to re-think my views of certain girls at Halloween. If I don't want to be bullied for my clothing size, I best not bully anyone else for their taste in Halloween costumes. Does it really make a difference to me if someone wants to wear a headband as a skirt? Is there a difference between someone wearing a bra out to the bar and me posting a photo of myself in a bikini?  More food for thought I guess.... One thing is for sure, my daughter will never, ever find a magazine in this house with a headline discussing a celebrity's weight. Nor will she ever hear me lament on my baby weight... that little tummy means that I have a little person in my life, blessed am I :)