Complexity

I'm one of those people who likes to try to deal with things by using humor when I can. If you have read any of my other posts you will (hopefully) note a hint of sarcasm and wit from time to time. I'm afraid this post will probably provide none of those. None the less, I feel as though I am in a situation where I can provide some information, useful information for once, and so I feel compelled to share. I often feel as though I am on the cusp of adulthood. I mean real adulthood, not "I'm 18! I'm an adult!" adulthood. As I type this I am sitting beside a little girl eating rice crispies in her highchair. Every now and then she will lean over and wipe a sticky hand on my knee leaving tiny, sticky milk hand prints. After I finish my decafe coffee my day will be filled with online bill paying, laundry, diaper changes and such. But, just 4 short years ago, I was simultaneously balancing waitressing, drinking my face off on weekends, and finishing a degree. The only one I had to take care of was myself and my cat, and we lived in a basement suite that was about the size of my current livingroom. In my free time I would hang out with friends and discuss the problems of the world, theology, zombie attacks, the idiots we liked to date... you name it. Now in my free time I hang out with other mommies and their kids and we discuss how much we love our slow cookers.... You get the idea.

My point is this, I remember being single. I remember being kidless. It was only 4 short years ago and I remember how much I didn't know about this kind of life. It would piss me off when someone would say that their kid was 24 months instead of 2. When I saw a kid with one of those backpack leashes on, I judged the hell out of that parent. Now that I am immersed in it, I understand that I was making judgments on something that I knew nothing about. Little information + judgmental attitude = difficult time for all involved. The purpose of this post was to share a little information on something that I once had opinions on but no actual experience with. A touchy, little-talked about subject. Miscarriage.

If you are one of a few close friends and family who are reading this then you already know that, unfortunately, my husband and I lost a pregnancy about a week and a half ago. I was a couple months in. It was a pretty typical experience, something was probably off on a chromosomal level, my body knew this and thus, nature took its course. There was nothing my husband or I could have done to prevent it, it is just a part of life for many families. Statistics tell us that about 1 in 5 known pregnancies will end in a miscarriage, usually in the first 3 months. If you are reading this and are a woman with 2 or more kids then, chances are, you probably experienced at least one miscarriage at some point in your life.

If you have no experience on this subject, please help yourself to some of mine. I often feel as though my daughter has made me a much better person, as she has taught me so much in only 14 months. I am humbled when I realize that, though the little one that grew in my tummy for 8 weeks was only around for a short time, he/she has managed to do the same. Because of that pregnancy and that experience, I learned a lot and am a better person. Here is what that little bean in my belly taught me:

1. There is no right way to deal with the loss of a pregnancy. Some women will feel relief that their body knew something was wrong and acted accordingly, other women will tearfully recall a miscarriage that occurred 40 years ago. Neither of these is wrong, nor is any reaction on the spectrum in between the two. Every woman is different. Some start buying baby things and begin celebrating the moment they see those 2 pink lines on the home pregnancy test, others don't feel any attachment until the baby is placed in their arms after birth. Don't assume that your experience or your partner's experience will be the same as everyone else's. It will be what it is.

2. If someone is grieving a miscarriage, try not to judge it. Try not to judge how and why they should grieve, or how long they should grieve. Miscarriages are a complicated experience for a lot of women. Usually, when someone you love dies, it is very socially acceptable to grieve. Other people also have memories or even photos and videos of the two of you together. If you mother or brother dies, you grieve the person that you lost and you grieve all the future memories you will no longer make. In a miscarriage, you are grieving someone that you have not even met. You are grieving the possibility of that person, of the life and all the memories that were to come. It is difficult because no one else even met that person, not even you. There are no pictures, no videos, not even any memories. Just the endless possibilities that are no longer there. Imagine trying to grieve the loss of someone dear to you, someone that no one else even knows existed. Complicated....

3. Going along with #2, be sensitive to the fact that for a lot of women, even though they hadn't yet met that baby, they loved him/her. When you love someone, you grieve the loss of that individual. Simple as that. You wouldn't be insensitive to someone that just lost a family member, and for many women, they count that pregnancy as a family member. Not all women, but some do. Again, there is no right or wrong way to deal with a miscarriage, you can only take it as it comes.

4. "Not Viable" is a term that gets passed around a lot. In the case of mine, it was not a viable pregnancy. Again, this is a hard one to hear. Keep in mind that, for many women, just because the baby was not viable to survive in this world, does not mean that he/she is not viable to live in our hearts. Unless you are a medical doctor, avoid using this term.

5. "You'll have more children".... again, avoid saying this. It is good to be positive, but it may not be something that the woman wants to hear right away. Besides the fact that sometimes a miscarriage can do a number on a woman's body, sometimes leaving them unable to have more children, it trivializes the current situation. Without knowing the woman's full past, present and future medical information (which no one except big guns upstairs has access to), avoid this one. No one knows what the future holds, and she will only know how she feels right now. Many women have avoided trying to have more children after a miscarriage, as the experience was just too painful.

6. "You can always adopt..." Again, not something you want to hear after just experiencing a miscarriage. I am all for adoption, but I also understand that I can't just walk into an adoption center tomorrow and leave with a baby. Understand that adoption often takes years and can cost thousands of dollars. Being blasé about the whole thing and flippantly telling them to just adopt is not helping an already sensitive situation.

7. "Well, at least you have your other kid(s)"... ouch.... This is such a double edged sword. I do fully believe that my daughter has helped me through this experience, more so than anyone else. I am grateful everyday that I have her. I had an ultrasound the day before my miscarriage and found that there was no heartbeat, and would inevitably lose the pregnancy soon. I came home to a smiling 14 month old, sitting in her high chair eating breakfast with dad. I can't imagine coming home to a silent house. It would have been unbearable. My heart aches for the women who try for years to get pregnant and then have a miscarriage. In saying that, I have a friend with 4 children who experienced a miscarriage during her 5th pregnancy. I can honestly say that she experienced just as much pain as I did, if not more. No matter how many children you may or may not have, if you want a baby.... then YOU WANT THAT BABY. If you have other children, doesn't make that baby any less loved or any less wanted. Try to keep that in mind. It's really easy to make comments about "fate" or the "overpopulation of society" or how certain people "just shouldn't have kids" when it's not you.

8. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be..." Do. Not. Say. This. Ever.

9. Hormones. Dear god the hormones. Your body is a physiological mess for a little bit, it feels like it doesn't know if its pregnant or not (which is really, exactly what's happening). If a family member or coworker or some one you know has experienced a miscarriage recently, go easy on them. They may calmly talk about the experience in detail with someone one minute, and then burst into tears 20 minutes later when someone walks up and says hello to them. If they are acting like a crazy person, well... it's because they probably feel like a crazy person. The experience of a miscarriage can range from mild to extreme, both emotionally and physiologically. Again, never assume that you know what someone is going through.

10. In a conversation I had the other day with one of the ministers at my church, he said something that made a lot of sense to me. He told me that the two most spiritually powerful experiences that an individual can experience is the birth of a new life and the death of a life. Miscarriage/Stillbirth is the only time you simultaneously experience both of those. A new life is over before it has had the chance to really begin. Again, keep this in mind if someone you know is going through this experience. If they seem like a crazy person who is having life-changing epiphanies every 10 minutes, followed by 2 days of weeping... well, its because they are going through a lot. That and the hormones....

So Cristina, what the hell do I say? The best thing? Just saying "I wish I knew what to say." For me, there is something incredibly comforting in knowing that someone understands the gravity of the situation, they don't want to trivialize anything, they just want to comfort me but can't. I know that sounds complicated, but it's just about knowing that people care about you, they care about what you are going through, and they aren't going to spit out some token advice and then move on. They recognize that they can't do a thing to help you, even though they want to. It's actually a lot like what a miscarriage feels like emotionally, knowing that there is not a thing you can do to save the pregnancy, even though you want to. You just have to let time take over and take it day by day. The other thing that helped a lot was hugs from other women, various ages, who simply said "I understand." No judgments from them, no comparison about whose miscarriage was worse and who handled it better, just a simple hug and an "I understand." It also helped me just to talk about it with other women. To hear all of our collective experiences and how we've all dealt with it differently. That approach may not work for everyone, but it really made a difference for me.

So, if you are a kidless person by choice or someone with kids who just has never experienced this and who didn't quite understand the complexity of a miscarriage, my hope is that I shed a little light on it for you. And if you are a women who knows what I am talking about, if you need it, here is my Hug and my "I understand." xo

Bullies... and Balls....

A really hot topic in the news right now is bullying. It seems that everyone everywhere is against it and countless celebrities are speaking out against it. An amazing video of a news anchor went viral after she stood up against a hurtful email written by a viewer who criticized her body size.(watch the video here, I highly suggest you do! http://www.upworthy.com/bully-calls-news-anchor-fat-news-anchor-destroys-him-on-live-tv ) Some people feel that bullying is a part of growing up and we are turning our kids into softies if we try to keep them from ever being bullied. I for one believe that you can grow into a perfectly fine, motivated, driven person without ever having been bullied, but that's another post...

What I think is more of a concern is why do kids bully in the first place? If you could (hypothetically) put a bunch of small children (think 2 years old) alone on a deserted island (assuming they could take care of themselves)... would they, without any influence from anyone, begin to bully each other as they grew up? If they all had the exact same life experiences, no one who bullied because they had a "difficult home life" or who were "insecure".... would they naturally begin to bully each other? It is an interesting thought. Though I know we are naturally inclined to have a certain amount of competitiveness, I for one believe that bullying is taught. I don't believe that kids naturally want to treat each other cruelly. If the behavior was not modeled for them, then they wouldn't learn how to do it. (I also believe that the same "learning through modeling" theory is true for girls learning to dislike their physical appearance, but that again is another post and probably a dissertation) I digress....

A few things have been in the news lately that have really caught my attention. Both Lady Ga Ga and Christina Aguilera have been dragged through the muck because of their weight gain. Keep in mind that neither of these ladies could possibly qualify as overweight by a doctor's standards, nor has their weight gain affected their singing ability. But apparently you need to be a size 0 to sing well... be sure to tell that to Aretha Franklin. What really impressed me was that Lady Ga Ga decided to not only stand up for herself and speak out on her experiences with disordered eating, but she posted photos of herself in her underwear as a way to encourage others to "embrace their flaws." The woman freakin' posed in her underwear after being criticized for gaining weight... whatever your feelings on Ga Ga, one thing can be certain... she's got balls.
(see photos here http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/09/26/ralph-lauren-plus-size-model-robyn-lawley-i-m-proud-of-my-body.html )

What makes me somewhat sad is that I for one think that Ga Ga looks beautiful in these photos, not overweight at all! She may not be a size 0, but I think her body looks rockin! So there in lies the problem, if this woman, looking like this, is being criticized for how she looks, what chance do I have? Every time I hear someone criticize a celebrity or even a regular person for how they look, a small part of me panics. Mentally I look at the body being criticized and immediately compare it to my own. The inner dialogue kicks in: "am I smaller or bigger than her? Do I have more cellulite than her? Oh no, I have lots of cellulite and she doesn't have any! I better never let anyone see me naked. Oh god you think she has big thighs!? I can't even imagine what you say about my thighs when I'm not around... I really should start running... " etc.....

And this really is the problem. Little girls grow up hearing the women in their lives talk about how much they hate their own bodies. Little girls hear women nit pick about their cellulite and their baby weight, then they go on to hear about how some celebrity gained 70lbs during pregnancy and can't get it off. Teenagers watch a show with their mom and hear their mother make comments about how a certain actress can't get away with wearing a certain style of dress because they have gotten too "hippy"... then they go grocery shopping and watch mom or grandma buy the magazines with headlines like "Hollywood's 10 worst bikini bodies".....

Bullying really is taught. Especially for us girls. We are taught how to bully ourselves and how to bully others. It becomes so easy that it is like second nature for us to judge others and hate our own appearance. And so, in an attempt to be as ballsy as Ga Ga.....

 Yup, here I am in a bikini. My daughter is turning a year old on Sunday and you know what? Even two years ago I never would have had the guts to do something like this. But something about becoming a mommy has made me a little more feisty than before...

So here it is, my body, in all its imperfectness. Thighs too big to be considered TV worthy. Cellulite from butt cheek to ankles, and even some creeping up on the backs of my arms. Stretch marks from my teenage growth spurt, and little scars on my stomach from a gallbladder surgery. A little hint of a tummy where a 6 pack once was. Pale legs and torso from lack of sun and tanning beds... Boobs too small to be considered for the cover of Maxim... etc... etc.. etc... I could go on, and I'm sure many other people could as well.

But here's the thing... none of that really matters. No, really! As much as I panic every time I hear someone criticizing someone else's body, as much as I panic and wonder what they must then think of MY body... my physical
faults really don't matter.

Here is what does...

My thighs may be "too big" and covered in cellulite, but I have a brother who has been wheelchair bound since birth and I'm sure he would gladly trade legs with me any day. My arms may have cellulite on them, but they pick up a smiling baby from her crib every morning and hug her father often.

That little bit of a tummy and lack of 6 pack is the place where that baby grew for nearly 10 months before coming into this world and forever changing my life.

My skin is pale in places because I don't have time to lounge out in the sun anymore, I'm busy keeping a home and raising a human. And tanning beds? Well, skin cancer doesn't seem so fun anymore...

And those boobs have been able to feed a beautiful, healthy baby for the last year. They may not be impressive to a lot of people, but my baby thinks they are the greatest things ever!

So there it is. Keep in mind that every BODY has a story. Every BODY has been through things, good and bad. When you reduce people to their mere physical appearance, or pick apart how they look, you are ignoring the STORY that is their life. Yes, even celebrities are real people who have gone through life and had experiences. Since you don't know every single detail of a stranger's, friend's or celebrity's life... maybe you should think twice before commenting on their body. You have no way of knowing what that BODY has been through.

So there it is, my rant for the day. My husband is reminding me that this is ironic since I made a comment on facebook today about "Whores" at Halloween and their lack of clothing. So I guess here I am, just in time for Halloween, with my complete lack of clothing.

Though I never criticize their body size, only their lack of clothing, I may need to re-think my views of certain girls at Halloween. If I don't want to be bullied for my clothing size, I best not bully anyone else for their taste in Halloween costumes. Does it really make a difference to me if someone wants to wear a headband as a skirt? Is there a difference between someone wearing a bra out to the bar and me posting a photo of myself in a bikini?  More food for thought I guess.... One thing is for sure, my daughter will never, ever find a magazine in this house with a headline discussing a celebrity's weight. Nor will she ever hear me lament on my baby weight... that little tummy means that I have a little person in my life, blessed am I :)

Kairos....

Just after I had my little bean a friend on facebook posted a wonderful article published on the Canadian Huffington Post website. It was a beautiful article, written by a mother of three young children, in which the author encourages fellow mothers of young children to not "carpe diem" as they are often told to do by well meaning older mothers with grown children. Instead, she encourages fellow mothers to take pleasure in those few, quiet moments during the day where one can truly appreciate motherhood, moments called "kairos time." below is the link for the article and I strongly suggest reading it:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

In the article she explains the difference between chronological time and kairos time. Chronological time is the time that we live by. It is in chronological time that I wake with baby around 3 am and then again at 7am and sleepily breastfeed her before getting out of bed. It is in chronological time that I know I need to get the bed made and the dishwasher unloaded first thing, or it doesn't get done at all that day. In chrono time I know that if the baby goes down for a morning nap any later than 10:30, I am assured a meltdown. It is in chrono time that I know if I don't get that shower in while she naps, I won't get one at all. Chrono time tells me what time Sesame Street comes on, what time hubby gets home for lunch, what time the library, costco, bank, etc... closes. Chrono time tells me when I need to put baby down for her afternoon nap and how many hours/minutes I have to get my errands done so that I don't end up in the checkout line at walmart with a screaming baby. Chrono time tells me when I need to start supper, put in laundry, clean the floors before bed, etc... (and yes, thanks to a baby that likes to chase the pets, pull out their fur and throw her food around, I get to sweep, swiffer and mop the floors each and every night). Chrono time tells me when my mat leave is done and when I need to return to work. It is in chrono time that I hear "oh she isn't sleeping through the night yet?" and "aren't you worried she isn't crawling?" Chrono time is also the one that tells me I am constantly late and behind in all that I do....  As you can imagine, I am not such a fan of Chrono time.

I used to experience kairos time, but not nearly as often as I do now. For me, motherhood has made me much more appreciative and grateful. Kairos time is often referred to as God's time, a time when something special happens, time freezes, and the moments stretch out....

For me, kairos time often happens when I breastfeed little bean before her naps and before bed. And yes, sometimes it even happens at 3am. As much as I try to fit on my "To Do" list during the day (clean the garage, make an amazing 3 course meal for supper, take little bean on a 3 hour nature hike...etc...ha ha ha), when I breastfeed I am forced to sit alone with my baby in a quiet, dark room for at least a good 15mins while I put her down to sleep. After feeding and cleaning and crying and teething and playing and diaper changing.... all at once we are still and I get to just look down at her. I get to stare at her and really study her face, her father's long beautiful eyelashes, her tiny mouth, she has my little nose. I look down at her tiny hand wrapped around my thumb. She lets out a contented little sigh as my milk lets down and time freezes..... This tiny little being, growing bigger by the day... I look down and my heart bubbles over. She is all of the good in me and none of the bad. Every kind thing I have ever said, every compassionate act, every positive thought. So tiny and so small and wanting nothing but to love and be loved. Pure, simple... just love.

I stay in that moment for a while. 5 mins? 10 mins? maybe even 20? I don't know and it doesn't matter. Sometimes I force myself to put her in her crib and return to my To Do list, to chrono time. But, more often than not, I stay there, in kairos time. Yes sometimes I stay as long as 20 minutes, just sitting there, staring at her. Once I even stayed in blessed kairos time for over 45 minutes (I don't even know how long I was there) it was wonderful. Kairos time is my favorite.On days when I stay in kairo too long (whatever "too" long is), chrono bullies me. Toilets don't get cleaned, supper becomes nachos and dip, laundry doesn't get folded. Chrono scolds me but I fight back. "Toilets will always need cleaning!" I snap, "baby will not always need rocking."

I used to feel guilty when the To Do list didn't get done, when chrono time kicked my butt. I used to let it bother me. But, now with little bean almost a year old and my mat leave soon to be over, I regret nothing. I revelled in it this last year. I had a ton of kairos time and I loved every single moment of it. I feel guilty for nothing. Every mother should be so lucky as to spend the amount of time in kairos as I did during this last year. That's the thing to remember when you become a parent, you may not love every single moment of the day (and most of those moments will overwhelm you) but those blessed kairos moments will make it all worth while. I know my kairos moments will be harder to come by. Chrono says that I will return to work, probably get pregnant and have a second baby, making my To Do list even longer and more demanding. Kairos moments may be harder to come by and may not last nearly as long but I will treasure them, just as much as I do now. Here's hoping you get some kairos of your own today.

The more you know...

Becoming a wife and then a mother was everything I thought it would be... and a little more. Well, to be honest, a LOT more lol! Just a fun, lighthearted little note about some of the things that I now know that I didn't before becoming a mom:

1. Your boobs may be attached to your body, but they are no longer your own. In fact, your husband and baby will have fights over who gets to spend the most time with them. The baby will always win, and the husband will complain of biased officiating.

2. You no longer sleep. You will foolishly think that you will be able to handle it no problem since you survived many a midterms or finals week with little or no sleep. You foolishly forgot that midterms and finals do come to an end.... parenthood does not.

3. You will do more laundry than you ever thought humanly possible. Seriously.... unheard of amounts of laundry.

4. You will buy all sizes of batteries in bulk at Costco often. And you will swear profusely each and every time you attempt to change the batteries in a toy or gadget. Seriously, babies can't work screwdrivers.... so why the hell do they have to make it so difficult to get into those things and change the batteries!!!

5. You will wake up and immediately go over your to do list for the day. It will include such things as: shower, blowdry hair, feed baby, put baby down for naps, eat breakfast, clean kitchen, buy groceries, see grandma, walk the dog, and make dinner. You will then pick 3 or 4 items from the list and spend the entire day trying to get them done. *note, it is not an option to not pick the feeding baby or putting baby down for naps.

6. Putting baby down for naps and at bedtime will take anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours. Plan accordingly.

7. You will attempt to talk about things other than your baby when you go out in public or have people over. You will fail miserably.

8. Everyone everywhere you go will tell you, in great detail, what they think you're doing wrong.

9. Old people love babies. Like, seriously. Any one over the age of 70 is crazy about a baby, as long as its not crying...

10. You can dress your daughter head to toe in pink ruffles... people will still ask you if she's a girl or boy.

11. You will, from time to time, be asked when the next one is due. You will have to contain yourself to keep from punching people occasionally.

12. You re-discover children's books, and it feels like coming home after a very long, long journey.

13. You no longer have to figure out what your priorities are.

14. You realize just how awesome sesame street really is, and sometimes find yourself watching it even after they have gone down for a nap.

and finally....

15. You look down at their tiny chest rise and fall as they are sleeping and realize you had absolutely no idea what love was until now.

10 Things...

10 Things I Want to Teach my Daughter Before she Turns 10....

I recently saw a couple of these, and enjoyed them very much, links below
http://blogs.babble.com/toddler-times/2012/07/18/10-things-i-want-my-daughter-to-know/?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=babbleeditors&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=post#i-will-always-be-there-for-you-no-matter-what
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lindsey-mead-russell/ten-things-ten-years-olds-should-know_b_1553134.html
I felt inspired to write one of my own. Below is my list of the top 10 things I hope my daughter learns by the time she turns 10....

1. You are absolutely beautiful. Exquisite. There has never been anyone before who looks exactly like you and there never will be again.

2. Ignore anyone or anything that tries to tell you differently. Be proud of your body and who you are in your own skin. Relish that you look the way you do and don't compare yourself to anyone else. If anyone ever tries making you feel badly about the curve of your leg or the crook of your nose, ditch them. Ditch them fast. Never waste your time with anyone who wants to make you feel badly about your god-given appearance.

3. Please please please don't hurry into wearing make-up and short skirts. You are about to enter junior high and it is a whole different world than the one you will be used to. Please don't ever try to compete with older girls. I know it is incredibly intoxicating to begin to get attention from boys but please, there is so much more to your life than that. Trust me, you will one day get more than enough attention, don't be in a hurry to start getting it as soon as you can.

4. I know you will start to become restless and want to grow up as fast as you can but try as hard as you can  to live and enjoy the now. I know you will feel ugly and awkward and foolish from time to time, but growing up fast won't make you feel any more pretty, graceful or smart... trust me. Childhood is far to short, and you will soon find yourself 23 years old and wishing for the wistful days when you were just 11.... 


5. You are at a magical age right now, please appreciate it. You are old enough and smart enough to begin developing your own opinions and ideals without yet being jaded or tarnished by outside crap (boys, society, your parents, etc...). Hold on to these ideals as long as you possibly can, preferably forever. 


6. Write down all of your ideas and aspirations. Always write. Pour your heart into a journal. Write down every thought, idea, opinion and ideal you have in your head. One day you will enjoy reading these. 


7. You are old enough and smart enough to know what is right and wrong in most situations. Always trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right to you, or you think something is wrong, have the confidence to stick to your beliefs and act accordingly. Don't be afraid to stand up to anyone, even if they are an adult. If you really can't decide what to do in a certain situation, or if you need help dealing with something, please know that you can come to me. I may fail from time to time, but I promise I will try my absolute hardest not to pass judgments or jump to conclusions if you come to me with a problem. I will treasure that you feel you can open up to me.

8. Know that I understand you are human, just as I am. You will make mistakes from time to time, its part of growing up. I may sometimes be hurt, angry, or disappointed in your actions, but it will never change the way I feel about you. 


9. Compassion and empathy are everything. As often as you can, try to widen your viewpoint and consider things from someone else's point of view. You don't need to be a doormat for people, but being open to other points of view is a skill that will take you far in this world. 


10. I will always, without question, be there for you. I am proud to have you as my daughter and nothing will ever change that. The day I gave birth to you was, without question, the greatest day of my life. Please know that you can never screw anything up so badly that I would turn away from you. I love you without limitations or stipulations. As long as there is a breath in my body I will love you and be there for you, no matter what. So please, please never feel that you are unloved or un-loveable, because frankly my dear, you are already loved more than you can possibly imagine. 

Happiness is....

My mornings usually go something like this: little bean wakes up in the early morning hours and I bring her into our bed to feed her and coax her into a couple more hours of sleep. My husband is not such a fan of this, as by the time we wake up, little bean has turned sideways, snuggling her face into mine (though sometimes she pulls my hair!) and placing one or both feet directly onto my husband's throat and face. She kicks in her sleep, you get the idea... One time he even woke up to her grabbing his lower lip with both hands and very enthusiastically pulling down with all her might. But she sighs and snores in her sleep making the sweetest little sounds I have ever heard, so I feel all should be forgiven. Sometime in the night the dog and the cat both make their way onto the bed as well. We must feel generous in our sleep because both the husband and myself end up contorting ourselves into some weird "S" shape while we sleep in order to accommodate both of our fur babies at the bottom of the bed. Occasionally we will wake up and it will dawn on us, "Hey, this is OUR bed!" and make them go and use the two pet beds we have, only to wake up an hour later back at square one. And so it goes, we wake up, contorted into "S" shapes, being kicked in the throat and having our already thinning hair being pulled out. And I love it.... To me, happiness is waking up to a completely overcrowded bed each morning.

Many people think I am crazy. Some are probably horrified that I bring our baby into bed with us, especially with our pets. Everyone is allowed their opinion, and this happens to be mine. There is something wonderful about a family bed, something that doesn't happen during the business of the day, something that I can only really appreciate in the still, quiet hours of the day. 

 Sometimes I get so busy during the day that I forget to appreciate that all of these wonderful beings are HERE! They are here with me, everyday. How lucky am I, that I have all 4 of them. For a long time (well, really only about 7 years) I began to think that I wouldn't have this in my life. A series of failed relationships in my 20's had me convinced that the "family" life was something unattainable for me, and I best devote my time and energy to other things. I began to focus on school and career, thinking if I became successful enough I would be able to adopt one day and build the life that had eluded me. As it often happens, God had other plans for me while I was busy making my plans, and delivered to me everything I had ever dreamed of laying alone at night in a spacious bed, just me and my cat. 

So in the early morning hours, when I wake up because a cat or dog has just perched himself on my feet, or a little baby has rolled over and nuzzled in looking for my breast, or my husband starts snoring.... I smile. I smile and say a little prayer of gratitude that I am this lucky. "You should get a King bed!" I often hear people say, "We should get a California King!" my husband will say... not a chance... :)

Crazy New Mommies...

Something that has been on my mind since my daughter was born is the fact that my husband and I decided not to put her name or face on Facebook. Well, that hasn't really been on my mind so much as the reaction that we got. We have a few photos of her up, none where you can get a really good look at her face, but there are a couple that are side profile. There are enough on our pages that friends and family we don't see often can tell we've had a kid, which we thought was well enough. For some however, it's not. Reactions have ranged from "I think its nice that you don't have a ton of photos up!" to "Why can't I see her face!" to my favorite, rumors of a possible disability or facial deformity. What bothered me was that some people thought the only reason I wouldn't plaster photos of my daughter all over Facebook was because I was ashamed of her in some way. For the record, I love my baby, and if I was into putting pictures of her all over Facebook, no almond-shaped eye or cleft-palate would keep me from doing so. I think its wonderful to see photos of all kinds of blessed little creatures, we just decided to keep our one blessed little creature off Facebook for our own reasons. Because this has been on my mind from time to time (and has been questioned of me from time to time as well), I began to really notice other people's kids on Facebook a lot more. Some kids I started seeing A LOT more..... and so I began to wonder if there is a test one can do to establish whether or not one has become a "Crazy New Mommy."  And by "Crazy New Mommy" I am referring to the obviously clinical diagnosis of pushing one's children on others using the social medium that is Facebook. Below is my best, most official shot at a questionnaire for just such an occasion. Answer yes or no to the following questions and then tally your score.

1. Do your status updates frequently include both size and color of bowel movements? Yes or No

2. Do you think that you are the only woman that has ever given birth? Yes or No

3. Do you believe that your baby is, without question, the smartest child that has ever existed? Yes or No

4. Do you often list your child's developmental milestones as your Facebook status, careful to point out that your child is weeks ahead of the timeline laid out for you by the health nurse? Yes or No

5. Do you feel the need to point out to other parents how obviously behind their child is developmentally in comparison to yours? Yes or No

6. Do you often feel the need to explain to other parents how to get their child to sleep through the night, as yours has been doing it since birth? Yes or No

7. Is your child the most beautiful creature that has ever existed? Yes or No

8. Is it your duty to take as many photos of said beautiful creature as humanly possible?  Yes or No

9. If your child is less than 3 months old, do you have more than 200 photos of said child on your Facebook profile? Yes or No

10. If your child is between 3 months and 5 years, do you have more than 1000 photos of said child on your  Facebook profile? Yes or No

11. Do the photo explanations on your Facebook albums include things such as "first time walking on pavement" and "finding a piece of lint on the carpet?" Yes or No

12. Do you often criticize the parenting style of anyone who has chosen a different parenting style than the one you have chosen?  Yes or No

13. Do you often make these criticisms publicly over Facebook or some other form of social media? Yes or No

14. Do you have one child less than 12 months but often impart your vast knowledge of child-raising on anyone with 3 or more children of various ages? Yes or No

15. Are you currently disagreeing with this post and most of the items in this list? Yes or No

If you answered Yes to 6 or more questions, chances are you could be a crazy new mommy..... I myself squeaked in at 5.... Whew!