Tonight I come to you a particularly distressed mommy. It's not because my little bean seems to be crying more than usual (though she is) and it's not because I have an ungodly amount of laundry to do (though I do)... it's because of a particularly distressing article that I ended up seeing and unfortunately reading on the yahoo website. After a long day and a lot of baby crying, I decided to sit down at the computer with a bevy after finally getting little bean to sleep. A sort of "mommy recharge time" if you will. I happened upon an article and once I read it, I found myself stunned, angry, sad, and confused. For anyone interested, here is the article in question:
http://ca.omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celebrity-broods/bollywood-star-aishwarya-rai-blasted-not-losing-baby-165259898.html
Words cannot express my feelings right now. As someone who had always felt less than confident with my physical appearance, pregnancy and motherhood has been a sort of safe-haven for me, or at least... it was. Pregnancy and breastfeeding allowed me to have a perspective on my body that I had never had before. Not only was I able to grow a beloved little person inside of me, but I could also bring her into this world and then feed her. I never knew how amazing my body was before and I started to appreciate it like never before. That and I suddenly had an amazing rack. My perfectionist mindset also changed a lot. My inner dialogue was NICE for a change, actually, it was nice for the first time ever. The pressure was finally off. No matter how I looked in comparison to other girls it didn't matter because "I just had a baby!"
And now a garbage article on some website somewhere has me questioning my new-found confidence. So I questioned this, why, WHY is some stupid article getting to me? The more I thought about it the more it dawned on me, I hear this conversation every day. How many times have you heard your mother, your sister, your friend, your mother-in-law etc.... make a comment about another woman's post-baby appearance? Probably pretty often. The truth is, the conversation that is going on in the article is one that happens in our everyday lives too, not just in Hollywood. How many times have you heard someone make comments about their own or someone else's appearance after they have had a baby? We notice (and all too often make comments to others) when someone gains more (or less) than the "standard" 25 to 30lbs during pregnancy. We notice how quickly or slowly those extra pounds come off.... we most certainly notice if they stay indefinitely. We notice when bra size changes and when excess "baby tummy" goes away. If someone looses the weight quickly we tout them as some kind of super mommy and want to know their secret. If someone doesn't loose the weight quickly or at all there is a kind of "join the club" mentality. An attitude of "ha ha silly girl... did you think you were going to look cute forever? Give up! Your a mommy now!" And if you gain quite a lot of weight and are failing to loose it quickly, god help you. You must be a lazy person, content to sit on the couch watching your baby jump away in the jolly jumper.
What is it that makes us put so much importance on a woman's appearance? Now not only do you have to be a superwoman, with a clean house and a clean, happy baby (impossible). Not only do you need to squeeze into those lululemons and cart your baby off to mommy and me yoga 2 days after giving birth, you have to look good doing it. No no no... you can't do mommy and me yoga and loose the weight eventually, you have to SHOW UP starting the class looking good. You should pretty much be able to walk out of the hospital wearing your pre-baby jeans. If not, you must have failed as a woman.
I guess the point of this rant was just to get us all thinking. To at least question why we have these conversations and hopefully, to question if we want to continue them. I for one will be defending the next woman I hear being criticized for not "loosing the baby weight fast enough." Friend, family or celebrity it doesn't matter. When you stand up for one new mommy and halt the conversation, you stand up for us all. And if anyone needs back up, it's us sleep-deprived new mommies....
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